


Relationship-Expert-Possibly-Married Sherlock

by Miss_Purr



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Help, How Do I Tag, Jim is a Little Shit, John Is So Done, John is understanding, M/M, Married Couple, Secret Relationship, kinda secret relationship, mycroft is not helping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-09 13:16:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16450667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Purr/pseuds/Miss_Purr
Summary: John has noticed that Sherlock knows what he's doing when it comes to relationships, then things go to hell, and is that... a wedding ring?Done in 5+1 styleMade this for a fic writing challenge that I have with my friendfirst work I've ever published, please be nice





	1. Chapter 1

1)  
The first time that John ever caught a slight suspicion that Sherlock had been in a very serious relationship was when he had overheard him and Greg talking, they were talking about Greg’s relationship troubles, and instead of poking fun at the DI like John thought he would, Sherlock had given him some pretty solid and helpful advice.  
John has even decided to try out Sherlock’s advice for himself and the next date he went on was the best he had gone on in a long time.  
After that though, John had kind of forgotten that Sherlock had randomly known the secrets to a successful relationship, or even had one... until the next time something like it came up. 

 

2)  
The second time something like that happened, he was at the Holmes household. It was Sherlock’s mums birthday and Mycroft had yet to show. John was sitting in the living room, looking to see if anything had changed since the last time he had been there, when he had overheard Sherlock and his mum talking in the kitchen. 

“So, how is he?” He heard Mrs. Holmes say. Sherlock apparently knew who this “he” was and answered simply. 

“He’s good,” Sherlock said, John notes the fondness in his voice, “he said that he wishes he could’ve made it, but he had some business he needed to attend to in Ireland. He dose wish you a happy birthday though, and says that he promises he will be here at the next family gathering” 

“That great dear” Mrs. Holmes replied, “I can’t wait till we can see him again, I love that he is apart of the family” 

“I love that he is, too” John could tell that Sherlock was smiling. The rest of the conversation was lost to John as Mr. Holmes struck up a conversation with him, he still couldn’t figure out who this “he” was though no matter how much he thought about it, he knew it couldn’t have been Mycroft because he had shown up about 3 hours later and Sherlock had said that “he” couldn’t make it this year, Sherlock had also spoke about him with such fondness, and he would never talk about his brother like that. In fact, Sherlock would never talk about anybody like that, so this "he" must be important to him. 

 

3)  
The third time it happened was when it was, for once, a quiet evening at 221b Baker Street. John had not seen Sherlock for most of the evening and was maybe, kind of, probably worried. Nothing good could ever come from him not seeing Sherlock for long periods of time like this. When Sherlock had walked out of his room about 10 minutes later, John had instantly noticed that he was dressed to impress, and when Sherlock had gotten closer to him he had noticed that the suit he was wearing was a Westwood. Sherlock checked himself in the mirror and asked John how he looked well moving some curls back into place. When John told him he looked impressive and asked where he was going, all he got as a reply was a grin and Sherlock grabbing his coat and leaving the flat.  
John was only more confused when he thought back to when Sherlock had ran his left hand through his hair to put it to perfection and that her had noticed that Sherlock had a gold band with a deep blue gem in it on his ring finger. John had never seen Sherlock wear the ring before but he had seen it sitting on his bedside table on the odd chance he wondered into Sherlock’s room, thinking back to the study in pink case, John realized that whenever he had seen it off of Sherlock (which was 99% of the time) the inside was as clean as the outside, meaning that Sherlock took it off and put it back on often, but it was well taken care of, shining even. John had gotten that Sherlock wasn’t having relationship problems like the victim in pink, but rather he was trying to hide a relationship with someone.  
John couldn’t help but think: it couldn’t be a wedding band... could it?  
John had tried to remember this fact so he could ask Sherlock about it the next day, but Sherlock hadn’t returned until around noon the next day, and by then, John couldn’t remember what he wanted to ask. 

 

4)  
The forth time John got a whiff of relationship-expert-possibly-married Sherlock was a slightly quiet Saturday afternoon. Sherlock had been on the phone for about half an hour, and that already rang a few warning bells in johns head, for Sherlock liked texting more and he liked to get phone calls over and done within a maximum of 5 minutes. Sherlock had been pacing his room and John could only hear a muffled voice, that changed when Sherlock wandered into the kitchen and started making himself some tea. John tried not to listen to the conversation but he couldn’t help but hear. 

“Yes.... yes, wait, no... Mycroft is taking me to a thing that I can’t get out of, not even for murder.... no- James-“ at the name James, John couldn’t help but remember the time when the one and only James- more commonly known as Jim- Moriarty had strapped a bomb to him, all for a game. He shivered at the thought and realized that he had missed most of Sherlock’s conversation, but he tuned back into reality just in time to hear the closing. 

“Yes... yes I know, I’ll make sure to take the case...” John watched as Sherlock got the most goofiest smile on his face, “yes... I love you, too... see you soon” Sherlock hung up and turned to John. 

“Have we got any interesting cases today?” He asked. 

“Uhh, no” John replied. Sherlock did his sarcastic eye roll and made and sound John recognized as his “I’m bored” groan. 

“Shame” Sherlock threw himself onto the couch, and by the time thought to ask who he was on the phone with, he could tell that Sherlock was deep in his mind palace, and even if he wasn’t, John figured he wouldn’t have gotten a straight answer anyway. 

 

5)  
John was slightly worried, Sherlock had managed to leave the flat last night without alerting anyone, and now it was two in the afternoon and he still wasn’t back. Knowing Sherlock John couldn’t even imagine what he could’ve gotten himself into. John sat in his chair, worrying for about 6 more minutes until he heard the from door open and shut, and the sound of his flat mate walking up the stairs. Sherlock made a move to walk into his room, but John wasn’t going to let this slide. 

“Where were you?” John asked, not bothering to turn and face the detective. 

“Out” Sherlock answered shortly. John rolled his eyes and stood up to face him. 

“Out where?” He pried. 

“Out” Sherlock answered again. John studied him for a moment and his eyes caught the dark bruises on his neck that his popped coat collar couldn’t hide. 

“Are those hickeys?” Johns voice had a wide variety of emotions in it well he asked. Sherlock blushed before answering; 

“Maybe, maybe not” he put a hand on his neck to hide them and John noticed that the wedding band was back on him. Before John could question him anymore, Sherlock turned and walked into his room. 

 

+1)  
They were chasing one of Moriarty’s snipers, they had split up to cover more ground, and now, about 20 minutes later, John and wondered the whole abandoned factory and hadn’t found a trace of the sniper... or Sherlock for that matter.  
John had made his way up to the roof, he noticed that the car the sniper had been in wasn’t there anymore, John cursed and went to make his way back down to the first floor, but stopped dead in his tracks when he heard a noise from the other side of the roof. Curiosity won over his common sense and he started making his way over, sneaking around all the ventilation that was sticking out. When he finally made his way over and took a look at what was going on, his heart stopped.  
There was Sherlock, and Moriarty, Sherlock had a wide, happy smile on his face and was talking in a low voice, Jim’s lips were attached to his neck, kissing his way up to Sherlock’s jaw. He watched as Jim stopped right on the side of Sherlock’s lips and John could just barely make out what they had said. 

“We still on for tonight?” Jim asked, Irish accent low. 

“Of course darling, I wouldn’t miss it for the world” Sherlock smiled and caught Jim’s lips in his own, sharing a breathtaking kiss, holding each other close. When they broke apart, John was taken back to see such heart eyes in the both of them. John decided that he had seen enough and snuck back to the stair well, careful not to make any noise that would alert either consultant of his presence. He waited by the gates for Sherlock to come back down, that didn’t happen for 15 minuets, and John didn’t want to think about what could’ve been going on. As they were leaving, John risked a look back to the roof and saw Moriarty absently leaning over the ledge, staring into space, looking uninterested in the phone call John could see he was supposed to be participating in.  
John saw Sherlock start texting someone in his side vision, and a second later he saw Moriarty look confused, look at his phone, smile and text back a reply, stepping away from the ledge of the roof and continuing his phone call. He then watched Sherlock’s phone go off and when the detective looked at it a small smile graced his lips. 

*** 

John hadn’t gotten the chance to ask Sherlock what the fuck was going on, for when they had gotten home he had locked himself in his room and came out an hour later, dressed to the nines, saying that he was going out, leaving no room for argument, and he grabbed his trench coat and left.  
John couldn’t help but notice the wedding ring decorating his left ring finger. 

***

It was hours later when the front door opened and closed, light footsteps making their way up the stairs. When the door opened John saw the elder Holmes. 

“Hello, Mycroft” John greeted. 

“Dr. Watson” Mycroft nodded at him, “has my dear brother left yet?” That question rang a few warning bells in johns head. 

“A few hours ago.... why?” He figured that he would get more answers from Mycroft than Sherlock. 

“Wanted to give him something” Mycroft answered. It was then that John finally noticed the bottle of wine in Mycroft’s hand. 

“So you know where he went then?” John asked. 

“He didn’t tell you?” At johns head shake he smirked a bit, “he went on his date” johns was a bit raged at that. 

“With Jim Moriarty!?!” He yelled. 

“So you know they’re together then?” Mycroft look so amused that John contemplated punching him. 

“I saw them making out on the roof of that abandoned factory today, said something about something being on tonight” It suddenly clicked in his mind what was going on, “they’re dating?” He asked. 

“Oh, god, no” John was slightly relieved to hear that, but I didn’t last long, “they’ve been married for 6 years today, it’s their anniversary” and at that, johns brain stopped working. 

“What?” John gritted out, he had clenched his fists, nails digging into his palms to stop him from punching the older Holmes brother. 

“They don’t tell many” Mycroft admitted, “their whole “I’m going to kill you” good guy, bad guy thing is their idea of bonding, and Jim’s words, not mine, I quote: “we are a sociopath and a psychopath, how else would be bond?”” John was at a loss for what to do with this information. 

“I see that this troubles you” Mycroft said, “I suggested talking with Sherlock about this, he could probably tell you more about the inter-workings of their relationship” 

“How long has this been going on? Not their marriage, but how long have known each other?” He couldn’t help but ask. 

“They met about 15 years ago, Sherlock was investigating into something and it lead him to one of the clubs that James owns, they clicked instantly, been together ever since” Mycroft explained. 

“What about their ‘game’?” John was slightly touched by the meeting story, but was still pissed that he had been drawn into the game. 

“Every year, around the time of their anniversary, they start a new one” Mycroft couldn’t help the small smile, “expect something big coming up soon. For instance, the whole “I strapped a bomb to a random person, I’ll give you 12 hours to solve it, then I’m going to drag your new friend into this and strap a bomb to him” thing was the start of that years game. One year, Jim dangled me over a shark tank and gave Sherlock 24 hours to find the location and solve the puzzle that would let me down safely” Mycroft smiled at the memory, remembering the look of love and breathtaking kiss that they had shared when it was over, congratulating each other. 

“Huh” he had to stop and think about that, remembering the night he got pulled into the games, remembering the look of love that Jim had on his face when he was telling John what was going to happen, that he was going to go out there and repeat everything that Jim told him. 

“Telling John our whole life story now, brother?” Sherlock said. John jumped and whipped his head around to face the detective in the kitchen that had gotten in while him and Mycroft were talking. Jim was beside him, arm around Sherlock’s waist. They were both grinning a shit eating grin. 

“Happy anniversary, you two” Mycroft told them. Sherlock rolled his eyes and Jim elbowed him in the stomach. 

“Thank you, Mycroft” Jim said, taking the bottle of wine that was handed to him, he then set it down on the counter, he didn’t open it though, either saving if for later or for when the conversation of his and Sherlock’s relationship was over. 

“Why did you never tell me this?” John asked, sounding a bit hurt. 

“It never came up” Sherlock shrugged, “if you had asked me directly if I was married to anyone I would’ve told you” John glared at him, Mycroft smirked and Jim did a small unbelieving laugh. 

“No, you wouldn’t have” the criminal said, “trust me dear, I know you, so I know that you would’ve went on a lecture on all the signs that you were married and all the things could could possibly disprove it and-“ Sherlock shut him up with a kiss. 

“I get it” he said after pulling away. By now Mycroft had sat down in Sherlock’s chair, the look on his face showing his clear amusement for the situation. 

“I still have questions” John said. 

“Well, we have answers” Jim smirked his psychotic little smirk, it slightly unnerved John. 

“Riiiiiight” John dragged out, “Mycroft said that you don’t tell many people about this, so who dose know?” 

“Uhhh... Mycroft, my parents, Molly-“ Sherlock started. 

“My top sniper Sebastian, Irene Adler, and now you” Jim finished. John seemed satisfied with that answer, but had more. 

“So, if you two are married, and have been for 6 years, why don’t you live with each other?” He asked. 

“It’s too dangerous for our line of work” Sherlock shrugged and moved to sit on the couch, pulling Jim with him.

“A consulting detective and a consulting criminal that has an empire, if anyone we don’t want finding out, finds out... it could result is something terrible” Jim explained, “having both of us constantly at the same place could just make it easier to target us” John nodded along, finding that everything Jim was saying made sense. 

“Wait, hold up” John said suddenly, “you said the Molly knows, how does Molly know?” 

“A couple years ago she caught us snogging in the morgue, she agreed to keep it to herself” Sherlock said. 

“So... she new what she was getting into when see agreed to fake date Jim?” John asked. 

“Yep!” Jim agreed, a little too enthusiastically, “of course, I had to take her wherever she wanted, we went shopping quite a bit...” he trailed off, as if remembering something terrible. 

“Didn’t you also have to teach her how to shoot a rifle?” Mycroft asked. 

“Hmm?” Jim hummed, zoning back into reality. “Oh, yes! Well, I didn’t, I had Seb do it” 

"How did Adler find out?" John asked.

"She's smarter than you think, John" Sherlock sassed. Everything was silent for a bit, Mycroft eyeing Sherlock’s latest experiment that was on the kitchen table, Jim was snuggled into Sherlock’s arms, and John just didn’t know what to say next until another question came to him. 

“So, if you start a game every year around this time... what’s this years game?” He asked. Everyone, even Sherlock, turned to Moriarty. 

“Actually, now that I think about it, you haven’t given any hints like you usually do. What are you planning?” Sherlock eyed Jim carefully. Jim smiled an evil little smile, that John, and later Mycroft, would admit that it was unsettling 

“It’s a secret” Jim put a finger over his lips the the classic ‘quiet’ symbol them preceded to giggle for a few moments, “I will be very big, and everyone is gonna have a lot of fun” 

Later that night, after Mycroft had left, after Jim and Sherlock had moved to the latter’s room, and after he had went to bed, John was happy that is friend had found a true love...

...and if within the next three days, the Crown Jewels had turned up missing, well, who was John to not help his best friend with the case?


	2. Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With john’s finding out about Sherlock and Jim's relationship, the couple hang around 221b more often.  
> 5 times that john was completely done with the consultants, and 1 time that john was okay with them.

 

1) 

John would say that he was calm when it came to the experiments that sherlock did, he had gotten used to finding heads and other body parts in the fridge, he was used to the mess that was made whenever an experiment was taking place. Sherlock was always very careful when doing these types of things, so explosions was not on John’s list of ‘things Sherlock dose regularly, don’t bother with it’ but John figured that he would have to make a new list titled ‘things that Sherlock and Jim do that will possibly kill them’ after today 

 

It was as quiet as it got in 221b for John, he was up in his room working on the blog, and last he saw Sherlock was setting up a new experiment. John was just putting the final touches on the blog when he heard a bunch of curses come from downstairs and something that sounded like a firework going off, then more swearing. John jumped up and ran downstairs to see what had happened, and the sight that he came across made him want to go back upstairs and pretend that he didn’t see anything.

There was Sherlock and Jim -John wasn’t sure when the criminal showed up but he wasn’t surprised by his presence given that since their relationship reveal he’d been around more often- they were both covered him black ash, Sherlock more than Jim, and Jim was holding a fire extinguisher to the table, that had obvious burn marks on it. 

 

“What the bloody hell are you two doing?!” John yelled at them. They looked at him, then to each other, then back to john. 

 

“Sherlock did it” Jim said. Sherlock whipped his head to look at the criminal, looking offended. 

 

“You’re that one the distracted me!” Sherlock passed the blame. 

 

“As if!” Jim argued, “all I simply said was ‘hey’ and you didn’t even bother to look up or reply, then you added something to whatever was in the beaker” -and with that John noticed the broken glass everywhere- “and then it went boom” Jim finished. The two genius’ continued to argue with each other. John walked over to the table and picked up Sherlock’s notes, looking through them, going over everything himself then something caught his eyes. 

 

“It was Sherlock’s fault” he said, and the arguing couple turned to him. 

 

“What?” they said at the same time. 

 

“This 7 should be a 2” he pointed to the offending number then had the notebook snatched away from him by Jim, who read over the notes then started laughing. 

“Where did you even get that number from?” he asked his husband. Sherlock took the notebook back and looked over it before sighing. 

 

“That’s not my fault, that guys we are doing the case for gave me these to do” the detective said. 

 

“And you didn’t think to look over it?” Jim asked him. Sherlock opened his mouth like he was going to reply, but shut it and just pouted instead. “Aw hun, don’t be like that” Jim cooed before kissing the pout away, and before John even knew what was even able to blink once, he was witnessing the London’s greatest detective and criminal heavily making out. John did nothing but sigh, think;  _ I’m so done with this.  _ And walk back upstairs to finish the blog, with a call of;

 

“Remember, the walls are thin!” 

 

2) 

Running, it was like all they ever did was run. Though this time it was a bit different, this time it was just Sherlock and Jim doing the running. 

 

When they first got the case, John was 100% sure that Jim was behind it, but after following a lead that lead them to a cottage in the middle of nowhere, where they found one very pissed off Jim Moriarty there, John was lead to believe otherwise.

 

“Jim? What are you doing here?” John asked. 

 

“Clients an asshat. That case you’re looking into was him, but he killed the wrong person and now I have a circus on my hands” Jim explained. He moved over to Sherlock and gave him husband hug, that was immediately returned. 

 

“That doesn’t really explain why you’re here, darling” the detective told him.

 

“My men are doing a sweep, I’m just here to make sure that it’s done properly” Jim said. It was then that a man dressed in black and navy blue came out of the cottage, he was holding a sniper rifle and walked up to Jim. 

 

“He’s not in there boss,” the man said, “not a trace”

 

“Dammit” Jim mumbled. He detached himself from Sherlock and looked around spinning in a circle, but stopped suddenly. Sherlock turned to look at where Jim was looking and also froze. Then both of them took off, sprinting passed the tree line until John couldn’t see them anymore. 

 

“Uh…” John stood there, wondering whether or not to run after the two consultants. 

 

“Don’t bother, “a voice came from behind him, turning and looking he saw that it was the sniper from earlier, “they’re probably long gone by now” 

“What did they see?” John asked. 

 

“Probably Matt, he’s the killer you’re looking for, although once Jim’s caught up to him he might just become killed” the sniper replied. 

 

“I thought Jim didn’t like getting his hands dirty?” John raised and eyebrow. 

 

“Just because he doesn't like it, doesn’t mean he won’t do it” the sniper smiled fondly, “this one time no one was available to interrogate this one guy, so Jim did it… the guy came out looking like he had just seen hell and I’m pretty sure that he is still mute”  John’s eyes widened. “I’m Sebastian, by the way” the sniper held out his hand. John shook his head from the horrors that was Jim Moriarty and shook Sebastian’s hand. 

 

“John Watson, but I guess that you would’ve already known that” he smirked. 

 

“That I did,” Seb smiled, “And I don’t know, but I can guess that both of us are completely done with our consultant roommates?” John laughed, but stopped when he suddenly saw Seb look behind him and turn serious. Turning he saw Sherlock and Jim dragging and very bloody, very unconscious killer behind them. The couple were smiling and they were talking loud enough that John could hear that they were making dinner plans. 

 

“Yes,” John said, “very done” 

 

3)

John had a mixed opinion on tattoos. On one hand, he liked them when they meant something, or they had a deeper meaning to them, and John had seen many of them done beautifully, and he had to admit that even he had thought about getting one back when he was teenager. But on the other hand, they were permanent and even if you think it was good idea at some point, you may not think that later in life and regret it, and the only way to remove it was lazors. John would say that he didn’t know many people that had tattoos, let along want any, and one person who he thought wouldn’t ever get a tattoo in his whole life, was Sherlock Holmes… that was proven wrong one very chaotic morning. 

 

John was used to seeing Sherlock without a shirt on, the detective liked to walk around in nothing but a bed sheet for christs sake, forgetting to put a shirt happened every other Thursday. Usually when he didn’t wear a shirt, he had one of his dressing gowns on, but today was not the case. 

 

“No dressing gown?” John teased him. 

 

“Jim put it on last night and refused to take it off” Sherlock said as he put on the kettle. 

 

“I see” John rolled his eyes, then scanned over Sherlock out of habit, for the detective had a thing for hiding his injuries. And John was about to look away but then Sherlock turned to grab something off the table, and that’s when John saw it. 

 

“Sherlock…” John said, getting a hum is reply, “is that a tattoo?” he asked slowly. And sure as hell, Sherlock looked down to said black print, and in all fairness, it wasn’t that big, maybe about and inch and a half, but john knew exactly what it meant, for a few months before, Jim had stolen the crown -john didn’t ask how he did it, or got away with it, Sherlock tried explaining it to him but the detective was talking so fast that john didn’t catch any of it.- the tattoo was a crown, and just underneath it, it said “My Psychopath.” 

 

“Oh, yes it is” Sherlock replied casually. John was at a loss of words. Just then Jim walked out of the bedroom, yawning while walking up to his husband, wrapping him arms around him and nuzzling into his back… and that’s when John was the other one, Jim had his on his arm, and it was a violin, above it was written “My Sociopath” 

John sighed, rolled his eyes, put his head in his hand, looked back up, sighed again, then asked;

 

“When the hell, did you two get tattoos?” they both smirked. 

 

“About a week ago” Jim said. John watched as Sherlock turned in Jim’s arms and handed him is tea, then gave him a kiss. 

John never thought in his whole life, that the great Sherlock Holmes and James Moriarty, would ever get tattoos and he was so done with them… again.

  
  


4)

Cases. They were something that John worked on about every other day. But for the last few days John had been visiting his sister, leaving Sherlock alone in the flat, which was a bad idea in itself, and John knew that Sherlock would’ve gotten a case when he was away… but he wasn’t expecting this.

Guns… lots of fucking guns, is what greated John when he walking into the flat. 

 

“Sherlock!” John called into the flat. 

 

“Yes?” sherlock asked, walking out of the kitchen. 

 

“What is this?” John was really trying his best not to yell, and was that a new bullet hole in the wall?

 

“It’s for a case” Sherlock waved him off. 

 

“Where did you even get all of these? Everyone knows not to give you guns” And right as John finished saying it, he knew the answer. 

 

“Jim got them for me” and john knew better then to ask how Sherlock psychotic husband had gotten ahold of all these very illegal, very dangerous firearms. John didn’t even bother to hang around, he just turned and walked up the stairs, and once he heard a gunshot ring throughout the house, John knew that he was completely done. 

 

5)

John liked sex, it was great. But even he had a limit. 3 hours is maybe a bit too long for anyone to fuck, but apparently Jim and Sherlock didn’t get that memo. 

Jim had been away on business for the past week, and he had gotten back that day, and all that John knew in that the husbands had went on a date, and got back to the flat 4 hours before. And before John knew it, the flat was flooded of sex noises, and nothing could drown it out. 

John was done, and he decided that in the morning, he was going to tell them that next time they wanted to do this, they would be going to Jim’s flat. 

 

+1)

John was done with being done. Jim and Sherlock had driven him to the end of his rope. And when John walked into the flat, seeing Jim’s coat hanging up, he new that if the two consultants were doing anything even remotely crazy, there was no telling what he would do…

Thank god that wasn’t the case. When John first walked in he expected at least one thing to be on fire, but there they were, asleep and cuddling on the couch, hugging each other close, slight smiles on both their faces.

John hated to admit it,  but they were cute together... even if their tattoos were showing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments make me smile :)

**Author's Note:**

> This was made as a joke like thing, please be nice and wish me luck with the challenge


End file.
